Alaska is a popular tourist destination and Juneau gets its fair share of them. On any given day in the summer, there are two to six cruise ships bringing about 5,000 tourists each. My husband interacts heavily with these tourists on a daily basis as it is his job to provide security in downtown. He often tells me stories from his work. Some can be as mundane as "I had to keep tourists from trying to get too close to a bear to take photos." Often though, they are quite funny... in a sad way. He once told me of a guy who came off the cruise ship huffing and puffling whilst clutching his heart that asked, "Sir, how high are we? I can feel we are quite high up." Um... look around you... we're at sea level. I've asked my fair share of dumb questions in my lifetime, but some of the questions that these tourists ask are amongst dumbest of the dumb. Here's the top ten list of dumb Alaska tourist questions, as well as my husband's response to them below in italic.
10. "Where can I find igloos?"
Down the road and to the left.
9. "Really?! There are bears in Juneau?!"
Uh, yeah...
8. "Where are all the eskimos?"
Sounds like the tour guide sold you a duff deal, sir. The true eskimos are much further north. You have to be careful about calling native americans "eskimos" here, because they don't take kindly to it.
7. "What is that white stuff on top of the mountain?"
Shaving foam. We have a terrible shaving foam shortage in Alaska, that's why you'll see many of us roughing it with big beards. Every year, the helicopter's will dump us our years supply and that's all we get for the season. We just have to make do.
6. "Where abouts in Australia are you from?"
I'm British.
5. "How often do you guys wash the glacier?"
About once a week. The convicts help with it. If you go down there on a Sunday afternoon you'll see all the prisoners in orange shirts with their vacuums and mops. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.
4. "What do you do with the igloos over the Summer? Don't they melt?"
They go into cold storage. Down the road there you'll see Taku Smokeries, it looks like a big warehouse. Behind that building are the igloos.
3. "How do I open this trash bin?"
You stick your hand under the handle and lift the lid. What's that? - No, nothing inside will bite you.
2. "Do the mountains stay there all year 'round?"
Yes, ma'am. There's no escape for them around here.
1. "What is the glacier powered by?"
A complex refrigeration unit. I couldn't even begin to tell you how complex it is.
Honorable mentions
"Do you live around here?"
No, this uniform is just for fancy dress. I'm going to a costume party.
"Somebody's pet bear is running around behind the shops!"
Nobody has pet bears in Juneau. That's a wild bear.
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